"I'm a big girl now"

Me: I just don't know what to do. I hate making decisions.
Colleague: Do you want someone to just tell you what to do?
Me: YES
Colleague: GET RID OF THE GRANDMA VAN!
Me: That was the easy decision.

I would like it said that I am not a person who likes car shopping. I'm not picky. I have a hard time knowing what I want. I am not good at making choices probably because I don't really know what I want. I'm not pushy or demanding. I'm almost too low-key. Anyways, after 5 days of shopping I just said yes and made the deal. I only shopped at Ford because I was already tired of the hassle and pressure. I think I got a decent deal and in the end the decision came down to working with the person I felt the most comfortable with. I have a little tirade about the other person I worked with but I should probably be nice. He was just trying to be helpful. It's his job after all.

I cleaned the following out of my van; When you don't own a garage or house with lots of room, your vehicle becomes your storage space. As indicated by the list of things I have been driving around for 1-3 years.

toothbrush
dental floss
sprinkles
$23.00 and a lot of change
Brake fluid
lint brush
an American flag and mounting set
5 bottles of water
3 text books
1 10 year old Dog Fancy magazine (This is much improved because 2 months ago I had over 30 issues in there)
Coupons
300 gas receipts
Bandaids
Paper Towels
And the usual car things like an ice scraper, umbrella, tire gauge, and maps

The Details
2011 Ford Escape
New
Moon Roof (Apparently it's no longer called a sun roof but I have no idea why)
Sync Systems (allows you to answer your phone hands free)
It does all other standard things. Basically the moon roof was the only added special feature.

I finally came in possession of it Tuesday evening about 8 PM after waiting a few extra days. It was not on the lot in Champaign but a dealer trade from somewhere else. I never actually heard where so they probably didn't want to tell me but all that doesn't really matter. It just means I had to drive the van to 130000 miles and the new vehicle has 500 already. I think it made the drive to work faster. Probably not. But it's sure going to feel like for a few days. : )

These are the few pictures that I took but the sun made was making it hard to not have a glare. It's just so gosh darn shiny. It also looks really long but it's not. Just 2 rows. 5 seater. Who wants a road trip??!?

Patience

is a virtue.

Found!

I vaguely remembered putting the camera cord in one of the bags that I had that weekend, but I thought I checked them all. Last night, I realized I hadn't looked in my "get ready" bag. (The one that had my blow drier, shower stuff, straightner, etc.) Turns out there it was! So yeah because I was going to go buy a new one today anyway.
I'm WAY behind and in need of some backtracking so here are the before and after pictures of my room.
Before
BLUE WALL!


After
Complete with hundreds of dollars worth of new reading materials




It looks very much the same as last year with a few small exceptions. I debated long and hard about taking out the kitchen but I just couldn't do it to them. They LOVE the kitchen and I just couldn't justify taking away that exhilarating part of Kindergarten. I organized it a little better and made it easier to clean up and thus far it has gone pretty smoothly. I'm sad to say that I haven't had a funny kid emerge yet. Seems like out of 22 there should be at least one that has me laughing out loud but it hasn't happened yet. Maybe I'll step up my game and start asking ridiculous questions to elicit some great responses. It can seriously be the highlight of a year. One even tried to guess my age and said 25! He was only a week away from being right so that pretty much dashed all hope that we might have a funny year. They even drew serious pictures of themselves. No werewolves, monsters, or vampires. I ALWAYS have a vampire. And by always I just mean the last two years but still. I was coming to expect it. Just a couple of blue people which is not even very creative. I have a couple kids who don't know their colors so it's highly likely that all that happened there. Sigh.


We have gotten off to a pretty good start thus far with everyone. The impulse kid wants to please REALLY bad so as long as I'm noticing and giving him that extra smile I think he can stay on track. The fire alarm puller, sleeper, school supply ruiner is an entirely different story and his nickname on this blog is going to become "The Youngin." One day last week he was standing next to me in the gym and put his hand on the fire alarm AGAIN. I almost freaked out on him getting his hand away. His response? "That's an alarm clock." My response, "That is NOT an alarm clock!" Oh goodness. There is another that has quite a few issues the biggest being cursing at and hitting adults. He might be getting a behavior plan. I'm not complaining though because I can't say that I have the worst of the high flyers in Kindergarten this year. There is about one in every class and since mine don't scream (yet) and I haven't had the behavior interventionist assigned to my room for 2 hours a day I'm counting my blessings. I do have a very low group of kids though. It's going to a great teaching challenge to bring these kids up and see how far they can go. It's definitely one that I'm more excited about. I refuse to lower my expectations for them and if we can be successful I know it will be my most rewarding year yet.

Let's see, what else? We lost our regional softball game 10-11 in 9 innings. So while it was disappointing that we lost it was a hard fought game and we were proud of the girls. We finished with 3 wins and some losses. I lost track and it didn't really seem important anyway. We'll have 7 of our 9 starters returning next including our starting pitchers so there is a lot to look forward to next year. I also have big news about a big purchase that I've recently made but I'm going to hold you in anxious suspense until Monday. Then, there will be a picture which is all you really want to see anyway. Dun, dun. Dun, dun. Dun, dun.

Lost

My camera cord. Otherwise you be getting a great update complete with before and after pictures of my room, the "Kindergarten Faces," and maybe even a wedding picture or two from Ryann's wedding last weekend but alas it won't be so. It is either lost in my van, at school, or in Avon. I know I picked it up to take to Avon last weekend but have checked all the bags and it seems to have disappeared. I didn't think I took it out but I can't find it either so no pictures for now.

Instead, I will just tell you that one of my students has pulled the fire alarm. The same one pictured in the previous post. On a positive note, I think he made it through all last week without cutting any holes in his shirt! If nothing else, I will have taught him how to appropriately use scissors. Success. One said straight up to me, "F_ _ _ you, stupid" and "Tie my shoe, stupid girl." He's getting a behavior plan. 11 of 23 only know 0-5 letters. 8 of 23 know 23-26. A few things have been frustrating but for the most part it has gone well and the three day weekend has very much helped me catch up with things and hopefully prepare for a really great September.

Softball will be over this week and while we haven't had a lot of success the girls are fun to coach and have had great attitudes about everything. We should be much improved next year.

One last thing. I wish I was just a teensy tintsy bit as cool as Jason Bourne.

How everyone really feels . . .

after the first day of kindergarten.

Do I really need to say anymore???

Take in mind that this was taken in the middle of an all school assembly where 250 students were shouting "I AM RESPECTFUL!" at the top of their lungs, the principal was talking on the microphone, a video was played, and there was lots of screaming about the PowerStore. Yes, I think it was a long day. Yes, we survived. Myself and all 22 students. Even two days later, this is all the energy I can muster for a post. But I'll give you the barebones facts.

9 girls.
13 boys.
2 (including the one above) 4 year olds.
1 with absolutely no self control. (He's already grabbed someone's butt in the lunch line)
2 sad short lived criers.
1 screamer when she doesn't her way.
6 silent watchers
2 repeaters
0 lost
3 days done
177 to go

Impact-Part II

I didn't intend to write 2 parts but when I was finished with the last post, I realized that I only talked about what happened in Africa. I never got back to the more personal part of it. The way this trip changed me. I'm probably still figuring it all out but I'm also pretty sure that's the point.

A couple days after I got back I embarked on a road trip. I figured that after having survived 15 hours on a place I would like to see how it compared to 15 hours in a car. (It is in fact better in a car minus the part where you travel a million times slower.) I set out driving and figured I would "debrief" myself while I drove. I only had the radio so it was the perfect time to reflect on what exactly God is teaching me. Or better yet, what He wanted me to do next. I tend to be a little emotionally detached so I didn't come back feeling that much different than when I went. I didn't "feel" changed or moved. I was reflective and needing to do a lot of thinking. God likes to drop things in on me while I'm thinking (AKA-talking to myself). THEN, I start to feel the change and see the difference. THEN, I can start to do something about it.

I thought about a lot of things while I was on the road. I prayed for the team that went and the people we met. I thought about our impact in Addis and how I could tell people about the trip in way that helps them understand why I think it's so important. I tried to decide where to start when people ask, "Tell me about your trip!" For the record, I still haven't quite figured that one out yet. I pretty much just start talking until eyes start to glaze over. As evidenced by this month long series of posts, there's a lot to say. Anyway, I'm not really sure where I was but I was thinking about going back next year. I was thinking about what I might change, do differently, or what it could look like. I was thinking about how great it could be and how many people I could convince to go with me. It was all quite inspiring when God just dropped in a bombshell of a thought:

"Jessica, you're life isn't supposed to be lived mission trip to mission trip. Your WHOLE LIFE is a mission trip."

Well, isn't that humbling. God likes to put me in my place when I get a little carried away. I should put it on a bumper sticker because it's going to stay with me awhile. I realized I shouldn't be focusing so much on how God can use me in Africa when I'm not in Africa right now. I'm in the United States with people who need God's love, mercy, and grace all around me. I interact with people who need God and are searching for Him everyday. I don't need to go to another country, state, or town to for God to use me or to be His light. I have to do it here too. It shouldn't just be a constant high and low as you go from outside your comfort zone to right back into it. I should be living my life with the same passion and energy as I plan for and think about a mission trip. It's not wrong for me to want to go back to Ethiopia or on another overseas trip, but it is wrong for me to neglect what I can be doing RIGHT NOW for the people around me. It's too important not to forget.

Right now, I don't feel called to go live in another country (pause for a big sigh of relief from my parents.) I DO, however, feel very strongly about the kids I'm teaching. I truly do love what I do even when it's hard and disappointing. I'm already starting to feel the excitement of meeting my new class and imaging what this year might bring. I was discouraged some last year but I never dreaded going to work. I've enjoyed my vacation but it's starting to seem right that in three weeks I'll have a new class list. I don't know what to expect but I do know that it's where I'm supposed to be right now. This IS my current mission trip, and I need to be preparing and treating it as such. It's giving me a fresh look on the year and a renewed passion that I needed. I have three weeks to get ready for my best year yet, and I plan to do just that.

Now, don't get me wrong, I believe that every person should go on trips outside their comfort zones to love God's people. You should never let age, time, or money get in the way of stepping out in faith and going on trip. God wants that opportunity to impact your life so don't use any excuses to opt out when He's giving you a way in. You won't be disappointed. It keeps you humble, changes your perspectives, and allows God to use you in completely different ways. I might have spent this next year treading water and barely keeping myself afloat in my classroom. Instead, I'll be more prepared and reenergized. I'll attack it with a passion I don't think I would have had otherwise. I will be a little bit different but by God's grace it will be better and I will be too.

I think I've finally said just about all I can say about Ethiopia 2011. I've exhausted my personal list of things I wanted to write about and remember as well as some requests from others. I hope it was well worth your time and reading. I did the best I could.

As a P.S
While I've already determined to live my life more as a mission trip instead just trip to trip, I'm still thinking about what next summer might have in store. I've been asked to lead this trip for next year; and so far, I can't think of any real reasons not to-which, as a friend kindly pointed out, was how I ended up going on this one in the first place. I'm not sure what exactly will transpire next but it could definitely involve me asking you if you want to go to Ethiopia in 2012. Did you get a little bit excited when I said that? Good. You're going. Get ready.

P.S.S.
Softball started yesterday and school starts on the 16th. Blogging will be back to school related things shortly but will probably be in hiatus for the next few weeks. I've got work to do.

Impact

When going on mission trips, there is always an expectation of change. Change in the place you are visiting. Changing the people you meet. And, being changed yourself. You want to leave an impact and be impacted. (And we usually like to be able to take a picture of it to show off to friends at home.) We usually go with the idea of how much we are going to do for others but don't take into account how much will be done for us. How much going will change our own perspectives, outlooks, and relationships. It usually happens that almost everything you can say that you gave was also given back to you. Love, care, relationships, friendships, encouragement, and humility are just few.

When we returned, I was asked if I thought we really made an impact for Jesus with the kids we met and who came to our VBS. Honestly, at first I had to answer that I'm not really sure that we did. I thought that was going to be the place where we made the biggest difference. But God surprised me. It wasn't the VBS or even the medical clinic. It wasn't in something I could easily explain or take a picture of. It was with His people. It was the encouragement that we were able to give to the people working with these children and in the community. It was apparent that the kids didn't need our 1 hour VBS lesson and skit to know about God's love. They see it EVERY DAY in the sunday school teachers, social workers, and program directors. Just by being a part of the projects, even if they aren't sponsored, they are cared for and loved in ways that will ultimately change the course of their lives.

As a teacher, I know how hard and draining kids can be and especially those kids that are so needy. To think that every single one of these kids is in that situation where basic care and love are not a given is staggering. When I wrote this post in April, I was thinking about one student in my class. But if I was seeing 240 kids in that situation?? Visiting homes that leaked, listening to stomachs growl, watching bruises come and go, and seeing sad eyes watching you is what they are serving every day. There is only so much they can do. The money only goes so far and time is always running out. I can't imagine how hard and draining it must be. But, they have servant's hearts. Big ones. They teach the children that God loves them and takes care of them, and the kids know it's true because they are experiencing it. Through sponsors across the world and the people who are His hands and feet in the country, God's love is being felt. We didn't need to be there for God to do that or make His impact there. He's already doing it His way with His people in a much bigger way than we could have ever imagined.

So what about our team? What did God have planned for us there? What was the impact He wanted us to make because we know His plan is always better than ours? Well, we know how it feels to always be the ones giving. To be the one that is always giving of oneself, and not getting anything in return. The constant pull to help every child but not know what else you can do. I think it's one of the hardest things God calls His people to do. Lots of people do it but I have never seen it in such a sacrificial way as I did with the people who worked at the projects. There are 4 adults for 240 kids. I would argue that kids are the hardest because they can't help themselves. They are at the mercy of others who may or may not be caring for them as a parent should. They don't have a way out and we are only limited humans. Only God can rescue everyone. And, He also rescues us. It was in that place that we were to make an impact.

We were there to give that love back to them. So, we gave them a break. We allowed them to rest. We showed them that they weren't forgotten. We showed them that someone is noticing and and that someone cares. We gave them tools to continue their work and hopefully make it a little easier. We left them toys to brighten their days. We prayed with them. We prayed for them. We acknowledged their sacrifice, humility, service, dedication, and hard work. We praised their efforts and will continue to share that with the people at home. Hopefully, we showed God's love to them in the same way that they are doing with the children. It might have only been a few days in each place but God can make it be enough. He can use that week to sustain them for a year or two or three. So that, His children keep feeling His love through His people-the ones who can be there every day.

So you see we did make an impact for Jesus on this trip. It just wasn't in the way I expected. And, it wasn't in a way we could see or take a picture of to bring home and show you. Sure we played with kids, told a bible story, and gave them lots of kisses but that wasn't where the change will be noticed. The change is what happens after we let. We will keep happening for years after we are gone. It was in us being there and loving people we hadn't even met. It was in showing God's love to others so that they could keep giving His love to so many more. It was witnessing, showing, and experiencing the love that keeps on giving in a way that only God's love can do.