The Hardest Part

Sometimes the hard parts of teaching aren't even teaching at all. They aren't in the classroom or have anything to do with academics. It's not the ornery one or the angry one or the whiny one. It's not even the dramatics, the meltdowns, tattling, or the fights. It's the ones that hurt your heart.

The one that walks to school over a mile on the coldest day of the year because no one bothered to tell him that it was too cold to go. The one who deflects his hurt with anger and attitude because it's the only defense mechanism he knows. It's the one that arrives to school too late for breakfast and when asked if he had any at home replies incredulously with "We don't do that!" and a look that tells you he doesn't think anyone else does either. It's the one who saves his snack for his younger sisters at home because he knows they're not getting one. It's the one with the biggest grin in the room for three tiny erasers he got at the PowerStore. It's the ones you try to fight for because no one is fighting for them.
It's hard because you're not sure what to do. A child whose resiliency is helping him make it but who knows when it might run dry? His heart isn't quite hardened to the world yet but I fear that it won't be much longer before it is. It's probably true that there is only so much we can do but it also seems like there should be something more. Something besides a phone call to a hotline and bag of food on Fridays. How can you do that when he is 1 of 22? The one with the most needs but the least "needy?"

And while I know there isn't really an answer to my questions, I still think they need to be asked. I need to ask them of myself because otherwise he will get lost in the 22. He might fall through the cracks anyway but I don't want to be asking myself if there was anything else I could have done. I need to be able to say that I did what I could to show him that there was someone out there who did care. Someone who did fight for him even when he made it hard. Because who doesn't think that this is worth fighting for?